299 days on the road. 299 of being in the school of life, learning outside the office, outside a lecture hall, from people who do or don’t have a degree. After 23 consecutive years of being in a school, I was confronted with the reality outside my academic bubble. Most my friends are highly educated, and so are the people around me in my everyday life. But reality has an average IQ of 100 and does not hold a university degree. In my society, where people are judged according to their education rather than their income (which is the case in many other countries), the concept that wisdom and inspiration can come in any form is hard to grasp. But interestingly, the conversation with the biggest impact was with a man I met on the street, a random stranger with no money or university degree, but a lot of wisdom and clear eyes. He saw right through me, called me out on all society-instilled concepts and had me truely see the world through absolutely clear lenses. He might have pushed all my buttons to a point where I was offended throughout half the conversation, but I was left shaken to my core for days, questioning my very foundation and reevaluating my believe system. As we parted, I felt like an awful human being with absolutely no justification to spread my thoughts as I travel because I am very much a work in progress… But remember that the discussions that trigger you the most usually hold a lesson you’ve always tried to ignore. But could he not have been nice and more gentle about it? As an ENFJ, the saying

It’s not what you say that will be remembered, but how you made them feel

is 100% accurate. Maybe it’s different for thinkers? If your Meyers Briggs type is of xxTx, then let me know if the quote above holds true for you as well…?

Also, with that slightly naive unicorn & rainbow world view of mine, reality hit hard. Constantly having to be on the guard, questioning the truth behind spoken words, bombarded with propaganda instead of facts, being deceived and taken advantage of, all this had never even occured to me before. It added some vinagar to my world view.

I also learned not to jump to conclusions. Gifted with a quick intuition about people, it is easy to listen to a story and kind of see where it all leads to and subsequently speeding up the interaction to get straight to the point. But with that, I reduced the complexity of the human being because I couldn’t calm my monkey mind. I learned to slow down and listen, really listen. Because noone is boring, noone! Give them the space to lay out their thoughts in front of you, to provide you with true insight. As Orsen Scott Card said:

I think it’s impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves.

Enders Game

Learning more about psychology helped a lot. It gets you to understand all the different thinking and behavior patterns when all you’ve ever really understood is your own. It helps you understand where other people are coming from, prevent misunderstandings or see the origin and limitations of a personal opinion that you might strongly disagree with. And know that your advice can both help/guide or destroy them. I am now more aware of the impact I make on other peoples lives.

And my general travellers advice is: Go beyond! With conversations, don’t be the person to come up to me, ask me where I’m from, how long I’ve travelled for, what countries I’ve seen and what I do for a living. Then you should look up Vanessa Van Edwards book “Captivate”, where she also talks about conversation sparks. Engage by asking questions noone ever asked them before, by digging deep (my favorite hobby anyway), by making it a conversation to remember. I was amazed by how many feedbacks I received from my oponents that our conversations have been most stimulating for them and left them rattled for days 🙂
Also go beyond concerning your comfort zone. Stay up late, get your feet wet, your fingers dirty, say yes, try something new and unknown, do the stupid and slightly dangerous thing (sometimes), be the odd one out, climb all the way to the top and just take chances. A spark doesn’t normally come from order and predictiveness.
Your twenties are supposed to be wild, where you acquire life skills, burn your fingers and experience stories worth telling. You can fit into society, get a dog, a house and kids when you’re in your 30s. But get out there and live your dream! I’m certainely living mine 🙂
Maybe you have the strong urge to settle, maybe you already know your place in this world, and that’s fine. Not everyone has that desire to go beyond their comfort zone in the same ways. So no, I do not have the answer for everyone, there is no guide, but I found my way of getting to where I need to be.

Though this all sounds like I’ve had the best time, it wasn’t easy. As an extrovert, I wasn’t naturally comfortable being by myself with only my thoughts to occupy my mind. Looking back, I was not in a good place when I left. There was a lot of things I still needed to sort out in my life and that I simply procastinated until never, constantly trying to occupy myself with things to do so I wouldn’t have to clean the mess I was. Slowing down meant that I had to see that maybe my motive wasn’t as good as I thought, which made me question myself on an identity level. So I kept busy, avoiding conflicts with myself. Looking back, it took me more than 8 months to get myself in order again. For 8 months I was preoccupied with myself, listening to podcasts, reading books, trying to process all the procastinated information and coming at ease with myself. A process that can certainely be done in a routine life as well, but it’s more difficult as you can easily fall back into old habits. As sad as it sounds, but a year ago, I would not have been my own friend. But during this journey, I learned to like myself, to be proud of myself without constantly needing new achievements to justify me not being a waste of oxygen. Learning to sit still, to use the energy for myself instead of blasting it out into the world and giving in on itchy feet. Don’t worry, I am still very much an extrovert, but maybe more mindful about it and learned the importance of introspection 😉

And I know that I’m not the only one struggling in life. So smile, be kind, share love, share yourself, show weakness, express emotion, be vulnerable! You’ll be a magnet if showing up with your most authentic self! Fitting in and blending with the croud will not get you to extraordinary places. Be the spark to your own and other people’s engine. And know that in the end, it’s all up to you. You can ask for advice, but you are still the driver here. We live in a world where we look at other people to solve our problems. Take the turns you want to take, do it for yourself, because the only person you want to impress is yourself.

So this is it. My very last post. Thank you for coming with me on this journey, for reading along (or just skimming through, I know the posts got long at times) and checking in on me. I had no idea what I wanted this blog to be like, but I am glad I wrote it as it helped me sort through some things. Thank you for your feedback, your engagement and the support you showed. I was amazed by how quickly this link spread and some unexpected readers that I am just now hearing about 🙂 It makes my day 🙂 Because:

Happiness is only real when shared

Christopher McCandless

Fun Facts:

– And even I learned to dial down. Whereas my friends would describe me as a roomfilling personality, I received a compliment (it was towards the end of the trip) from an introvert that I have been the only extrovert he ever enjoyed travelling with for multiple days in a row ^^

– Switching countries is always out of your comfort zone, especially when alone and without having read and prepared thoroughly

– I learned how to pitch a tent, of any type, and fast 😉

– I also didn’t learn how to cook properly with camping gear. Or I learned how to NOT cook with camping gear. So that’s something ^^

– And mostly, I learned how to pack a backpack, how little is needed 🙂 To the first blogpost, I would also add a rope, a handfull clothespegs and a duct tape, to make it complete 😉

-The most useful skills I picked up on this trip: B2 in spanish, drawing portraits (see my Dharmshala post for a sample painting), dancing salsa & bachata

– There’s too much plastic in this world, it’s maddening! Try to minimize your use in any way you can! You don’t need to go vegan to help save the planet. If you wanna start simple, start with plastic. Just because we separate, we think we do the right thing. But then it gets exported to another country and it’s not our problem anymore. Once you’ve travelled to places that don’t have that luxury and need to tend to EVERYTHING they throw away themselves, you will realize. And those countries produce less waist per person than we do. When you travel, you get the feel of how healthy our planet truely is, how serious global warming is, the affects of lacking water etc.